Reconstruction
by Jordana Amore
Summary: Olivia is still struggling to put her assault behind her and her dangerous behavior draws the concern of her partner. As she fights to put her life back together, he attempts to repair their broken relationship. Takes place during Season 10.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I don't own them, they belong to NBC and Mr. Wolf._

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"Fuck...oh fuck!" Elliot's entire body stiffened at the guttural moans of a man whose voice he couldn't place. He lowered his fist from knocking position and leaned forward. He couldn't remember Olivia mentioning seeing anyone but that didn't mean she wasn't. He knew he was no longer privy to that information and he had no one to blame but himself. After he so callously shut her out of his life and met all her attempts at reconnection with unrivaled stoicism, she finally decided the only thing she could do was repay the favor. Elliot didn't like his own medicine, it was bitter. Still, that didn't help to diminish the pang of hurt he felt at the thought of finally being eliminated from Olivia's inner circle, a feeling that had been building since Oregon, reinforced by Kurt, and now made official by some loud nameless prick.

Elliot listened intently, even suspending his breath for the sake of silence. He wanted to hear her voice, her moans, her screams, but the only sounds being emitted from beyond the door were the exasperated grunts of a man he had quickly decided he hated. He never would have taken Olivia as the silent type. Her voice had always been so full of emotion, her laugh so loud...not that she did much laughing lately. Guiltily Elliot took a step back. Was he really imagining what Olivia sounded like in bed?

He had come here to ask if she had plans for the Holidays, to see if she'd like to join the Stabler family for a night of ham, mashed potatoes and uncomfortable small talk, not to stand outside her apartment listening greedily to her doing God knows what to God knows who. And there it went. It wasn't just sounds ravishing his mind now, it was images. He felt flushed and he knew he was blushing visibly.

The grunting had stopped and Elliot could now hear bodies moving around inside. Panicked he started to his right, only to realize his sole escape route was staircase D, which was 6 doors to the left. He turned, flustered and unsure, but before he could even make it pass her apartment the door opened and he was met by the figure of a tall lanky light haired man.

"It was nice meeting you...uh... Olivia," the man called over his shoulder as he stepped into the hallway with his cheesy blue and black stripped shirt half untucked. His eyes met Elliot's and he smiled, "she's all yours, buddy."

Elliot clenched his fists and prepared to cock his right arm back to deliver the grinning idiot what he deserved but the man was gone before the fog in his head lifted. _Meeting you? _

"Elliot?" She was standing in front of him, clad only in black panties and a white t-shirt. "What are you doing here?" She dropped her eyes to the floor and pulled on the bottom of her t-shirt in vain. There was no hiding from his gaze. She contemplated shutting the door in his face, but couldn't bring herself to do it.. He wasn't supposed to see this part of her.

"I wanted to ask you something," he replied flatly, still trying to shake the shock and confusion that consumed him. He had seen his partner half naked before, when she put on that little act for Bushido, but this was different. She wasn't doing her job, she was doing some random guy she had just met. He didn't want to but Elliot felt disgusted.

Olivia peered intently into her partner's eyes, hoping to discern what he was thinking but she had lost her ability to do so. He seemed so foreign to her now. Without another word she turned and walked towards her bedroom, leaving the door open for him.

When she emerged from the bedroom moments later wearing a pair of navy blue sweat pants and the same white t-shirt she found Elliot hunched over her kitchen counter carelessly holding a glass of half-finished whisky between his fingers. He raised the glass to her, "you didn't finish your drink."

"What do you want, Elliot?" she said harshly. She could feel him judging her. It was obvious in the way he pressed his lips together and the way he fixed his eyes on her, searching her, daring her to make a move. He had no right to be so damn self-righteous. She was an adult and what she did in her spare time was none of his business.

He put the glass down and decided to fully devote himself to antagonizing her. He couldn't fight his anger and this was the only outlet for it, besides he never denied that he could be an asshole on occasion. "I wanted to invite you to Christmas dinner," he answered. "That is if you don't already have prior engagements." The corners of his mouth lifted into something resembling a smile, but not quite.

"You had to come all the way here to ask me that? You couldn't have called?" She was a little taken aback by his words. It had been years since he made the effort to include her in his family gatherings, but she couldn't blame him entirely for that. Before the drama, before it all went to hell, she'd been reluctant to intrude on Stabler family territory, knowing Kathy didn't always appreciate her closeness with her husband. And ironically enough, or maybe it wasn't irony at all, once that closeness was gone there were no family get-togethers for her to politely decline invitations to. But they were back now, probably because Eli deserved to grow up in the same fashion, with the same traditions as his brother and sisters.

"I could have," he began slowly, "but I was in the city and thought I'd stop by." That was a lie. He came into the city to talk to her, to find out why exactly Cragen was making her take some time off. He had finally been able to get his head out of his ass long enough to see that he wasn't the only one with problems and that Olivia deserved to have someone care enough to probe, like she did, like he used to do. He had planned on actually being a friend to her tonight, but all that dissolved with the revelation that his partner fucked strangers on Saturday nights.

"Oh," was all she said.

"You're quiet tonight." He wasn't sure if the double meaning of that statement was lost on her or not but he hoped she didn't read too much into it. He didn't want her to realize he didn't just show up postcoital but had been present, listening carefully, during the act.

Olivia crossed over towards the kitchen counter, refusing to allow herself to act timid or ashamed. She snatched the glass from the spot Elliot had set it down in and with a quick flip of her wrist emptied the liquid into the sink. They now stood just a few feet apart and he turned to face her, boxing her in against the sink. "Umm, thanks for the offer but I already have plans," she finally responded. She tried to sound normal, sincere, unaffected but knew he could sense her discomfort.

"Ok," he said with a slight nod. "If your _plans _fall through, it's a standing offer." He wanted to ask about these plans, find out who she'd be spending the holiday with but any questions he'd propose now would seem like an interrogation.

Olivia smiled and leaned back against the sink, wrapping her arms around her midsection. "Thank you."

Elliot was quiet, allowing himself to take her in fully for the first time that night. Aside for looking a little tired, he couldn't detect any difference in her appearance. There was no tousled hair or smeared make-up that screamed sex. If he had arrived ten minutes later this conversation would have taken on an entirely different tone. She probably would have greeted him with a smile and offered him a drink. He would have teased her about her selection of reading material on the coffee table and made himself comfortable on her couch. She would have been wearing pants.

He straightened his back. _To Hell with it_. "Who was he?" he finally asked.

She sighed. "No one."

"Didn't sound like no one to me." _Shit._

"You were listening?" She tried to get angry, to replace her panic with indignation but she couldn't control her emotions. She felt exposed, even more so than she did when his eyes settled on her bare legs in the doorway.

Elliot wiped a hand across his mouth. He had nothing to say. He couldn't deny it now and confirming it wouldn't help him.

Finding her anger, Olivia pushed herself off the sink, forcing Elliot to take a step back. "I can't believe you!"

"_You_ can't believe _me_?" he returned equally infuriated. "I had no idea you were such a..."

"Whore?" she finished for him.

"I didn't...I wasn't going to say that." He honestly had no idea what it was he had intended on saying but he'd never call her that, even if his staunch Catholic mind couldn't reconcile her behavior. "Do you even know his name?"

Olivia felt her chest tighten. "Get out!" She was nauseous. She didn't know. Two hours ago she hadn't cared. It wasn't important. _Tim? Tom? Dom? _She couldn't remember exactly. All that mattered at the time was he was interested and that he bore no resemblance to _him_. "Who the hell are you to come into my home and judge me?" Damn him for making her feel guilty.

Elliot backed up defensively. He hadn't meant to hurt her with that question. He just wanted some reason to believe that her life wasn't as sordid as it suddenly seemed. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand why you're doing this to yourself."

"And you never will."

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_ TBC as soon as I find some time. Reviews are greatly appreciated. _


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: To those of you who may have stumbled upon this story nearly a year ago and actually took interest in it, I apologize for the ridiculously long delay in updating. Unfortunately, reality kept me from fiction for much longer than I had anticipated. **_

_**For any new readers, this story was intended to take place last year around the time Olivia was struggling to cope with her Sealview ordeal. **_

_** Thank you, J. **_

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She tried to pretend that his disappointment in her had no effect, but the fact that Elliot Stabler had finally seen her for what she truly was, or what she had become, was burning holes in her stomach. She turned suddenly and grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniel's from the countertop. Taking the empty glass Elliot had so smugly dangled in front of her moments ago from the sink, she poured herself a another, and another. Her mother had relied on this method for years, she thought, _maybe it would help._

After the eighth shot failed to erase the night's events from her mind, she changed her clothes, threw on a jacket, pocketed her keys, and headed out into the cold in search of a release. If she couldn't drink away the pain, she'd have it screwed out of her, again.

Olivia inhaled sharply as she tried to catch her breath in the cruel December wind. Instantly she was reminded of how ill-prepared she was for the weather. The flimsy leather jacket she had put on was barely enough to keep her teeth from chattering as she began her walk to the nearest bar.

Rarely did her self-loathing cause her to make this trip twice in one night, but tonight was special. Tonight she had one more reason to hate herself and she'd spend the next couple of hours making herself feel every bit as bad as she thought she deserved to.

It didn't take her long to spot the man she would be leaving with. Middle-aged, silver hair, soft green eyes, naked ring finger. Nothing about his appearance even remotely matched Lowell Harris's, which was pretty much the only standard she had. Olivia knew from experience what he was in this shit hole for; like her he was looking for sex, but unlike her he wouldn't be left feeling regret and disgust after the act took place.

She ordered a beer and watched her soon to be one night stand in action from the bar. He flirted brazenly with just about every woman that crossed his path, but it appeared these women were not as self-destructive as Olivia, and so he proceeded to strike out time after time. Once thoroughly amused, yet oddly comforted, by his failure, she made her way towards him. As if on cue, he straighten up at her approach.

"Hello there," he said with a smile.

"Hey," was all she offered in return.

"Cold night out there." He nodded stupidly and shoved a hand into his pocket.

It took all her composure not to roll her eyes right then. She didn't have the patience to endure this brand of mind numbing small talk. She had picked him because he looked at ease, like the kind of man who routinely engaged in casual sex, but now she wasn't so sure. She considered coming right out and asking if he'd like to fuck in the bathroom but the place was crowded and she preferred to live out her shame in private. "You live around here?" she asked.

The man's eyes flashed with hope. "Yeah. A few blocks away."

Olivia smiled and nodded but failed to follow through. She had every intention of going home with him, but she would not be the one to make the proposal. She may not have enough self-respect to keep her from sleeping with strangers, but she sure as hell had enough pride to keep her from making the first move. Frustrated with the pace the exchange was progressing with, she exhaled loudly before pressing the beer bottle to her lips.

"I'm Kevin," the man said hastily, as if afraid he had blown his chance.

"Olivia."

"You here alone, Olivia?"

"I am."

He flashed a cocky smirk. "Wanna change that?"

_Bingo_. He had officially come onto her. Now with her misplaced sense of pride in tact, she could speed along the process knowing that he wanted her. After a few more minutes of insincere pleasantries, Olivia made her exit with her new companion.

"So, what do you do for a living?" Kevin asked as the duo sat uncomfortably close to one another in the backseat of a cab.

"I'm a teacher," Olivia answered casually. "Fourth grade." She never told her one night stands that she was a cop. Too often it filled their heads with perverted thoughts involving handcuffs and role playing, and she'd never have those bracelets slapped around her wrists again. She had lost track of the number of times a man had suggested she "break out the cuffs" while fooling around before she adopted her current not so honest policy.

Kevin's right hand began to make its way under her shirt. "Oh yeah," he replied rubbing her belly absently. "Must be rewarding." His hand now dipped into her pants, reaching till he felt her body react.

She offered a tight smile. "Very." A familiar sense of panic washed over her as her muscles instinctively tensed. A woman her age had no place being felt up in the backseat of a cab by a stranger. She slammed her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. Kevin mistook this as a sign of enjoyment and increased the pressure of his touch.

"You like that?" he whispered in her ear.

_No_, she thought,_ I fucking hate it_. She had no interest in public foreplay, she just wanted to get to his apartment and start feeling something. "Mmhmm," she answered with her eyes still shut tight. She turned her head to look out the window and tried to control her increasingly rapid breathing. Convinced he was pleasuring her rather than causing her a minor anxiety attack, Kevin continued.

Relief washed over Olivia as the cab pulled over in front of a large brick building with a spotless glass facade. Kevin finally removed his hand from her pants in order to pay the driver. A baby-faced doorman greeted them at the building's entrance with a nod and a smile that made Olivia very uncomfortable. She didn't need to be reminded of how unseemly her behavior was.

Over the next half hour Olivia learned more about Kevin than she cared to. He'd never been married but had a daughter in high school from an previous relationship. He was now a successful financial planner, but his true passion was music, the drums specifically.

As he proudly clutched the 20 year old framed photograph of himself and his former band mates, Olivia surveyed the modernly designed apartment for liquor. She feared that by the time he finished trying to impress her with tales from his past she would be sober enough to make herself walk away. Just as she spotted what she was looking for sitting on the island separating the kitchen from the living room, Kevin noticed her wavering attention.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bore you," he said with a regretful but sweet smile. "I just get so excited when I talk about the band. I really miss those guys." He placed the picture on the coffee table and moved closer to her on the leather sofa. "Plus you kind of make me nervous." He laughed awkwardly as if to prove his point.

"You've got nothing to be nervous about," Olivia responded flirtatiously.

He looked at her for a moment before hesitantly leaning in and placing his lips to hers. Carefully he moved his mouth against hers. Olivia was unimpressed with his gentleness. She didn't come here for small talk and soft kisses. Where was the man who shoved his hand down her pants in the presence of a stranger less than an hour ago? Despite his bravado in the bar and the cab, she could tell this guy wasn't as bold as he tried to be. He was all bark and no bite and right now Olivia wanted to be bitten, hard.

Eager to move the act along she opened her mouth and invited his tongue in. Kevin responded immediately, bracing his hands on each of her shoulders and working his tongue around hers like a horny teenager.

Taking a moment to catch his breath, Kevin asked, "Wanna go to the bedroom?"

"No," Olivia answered bluntly. She had no romantic misconceptions about what was about to take place and she didn't need to complicate the situation by waking up next to the man. You make love in a bed, you fuck on the couch.

Kevin hesitated, unsure of whether to continue or not. Realizing she was sending mixed signals, Olivia decided to clarify things for the hopeless bastard, who was currently starring at her like a lost puppy.

Fluidly she grabbed the front of her pants, pulling him on top of her. Kevin let out an audible sigh of relief that nearly sent Olivia into a fit of laughter. Hoping to hide the smirk on her face before she bruised his ego, she buried her face in his neck and began to kiss, nibble and suck. Then, with little fanfare, she undid his belt and fly and pulled his penis from his neat gray slacks. Kevin's body quickly responded to her touch.

"You don't like to waste time, do you?" Kevin asked with a wide grin. Olivia didn't bother to form a verbal response but instead flashed a quick smile and shook her head. She didn't want to kill the mood by mentioning that the reason for her haste was that she feared sobering up before she had the opportunity to destroy her life a little more. Besides, she wasn't here to talk.

"You're beautiful," Kevin whispered before unbuttoning her jeans and removing them with a fervor that might only be rivaled by a kid unwrapping presents on Christmas morning. He looked her over hungrily. This guy was a mess. Half the time he was a confident ladies' man, ready and willing to take what he wanted, and the other half, he acted like a skittish teenager, overwhelmed by the possibility that he might actually get laid.

Olivia's instincts told her this man was running from demons of his own, demons that kept him at war with himself. Fortunately for her, these demons didn't appear to come from as dark of a place as hers, but it was undeniable that he was searching for something too. And even though she knew they were looking for very different things, Olivia felt connected to him. Tonight they would serve as each other's twisted salvation.

She wondered what it was he was hoping to gain from this fleeting moment of intimacy. Was it companionship? Excitement? Validation? Maybe freedom from an otherwise dull life? She'd never know for sure, but she knew it wasn't about sexual gratification for him either, at least not entirely. She wasn't sure casual sex ever was that simple. It was always messy, emotional, or in her case, downright unhealthy.

Unwilling to allow herself to feel anything more than what she had come here for, Olivia thrust her hips upwards, attempting to refocus her mind on the task at hand. She was expecting Kevin to take the less than subtle hint as an invitation to devour her, but instead he sat up and leaned back. "Not yet," he said firmly, intensity clouding his emerald eyes. "I want to watch you."

It took a second to register, but it was quickly made clear by his posture and the direction his eyes fell in, not to mention the smug way he held his cock in his hand, that what he wanted to watch was her going down on him. Confident Kevin was back.

"I don't do_ that,_" Olivia stated matter-of-factly. _Anymore_, she thought solemnly as she fought to suppress the memory. Determined for this to be a successful venture, she turned to face him and positioned one knee on either side of his legs. Now straddling a half-naked man she had known for all of 90 minutes, Olivia's head burned and her stomach tightened. In just a few moments he would be inside her, and she'd be filled with a degree of disgust and revulsion she had previously reserved solely for the scum bags she locked up.

Kevin didn't ask why she doesn't do _that_, but he did wrap an arm around her waist, pull her closely against his body so that he could lift her from his lap as he pulled his knees up under him, and lay her down on the couch once again. The reason for this shift in position wasn't lost on Olivia. He was attempting to regain control, as if being on top would grant him that. Normally Olivia would take this as a playful challenge from a lover, but that fire in her was long gone. She wasn't looking for a challenge, so she allowed Kevin the satisfaction of thinking he was in control. Besides, she had denied him satisfaction once already tonight.

Kevin's performance was adequate, which was more than she could say about the majority of her recent one night stands, but she wasn't there for great sex, or even pleasure.

Unceremoniously, Olivia rose from the cool leather and put her pants back on. Kevin quietly watched her dress, his naked body strewn across the sofa, his head resting peacefully on his folded arms. "You can stay," he said finally.

"No I can't." Her voice was softer than it'd been all night.

Olivia envied the man who laid before her. His demeanor, his body language, his voice, everything about him in this moment, was relaxed. Kevin was truly at ease, maybe even happy, with the night's events. Whatever it was that had been tearing at his insides, was calmed, at least for the night. Olivia had learned that nothing she could do would bring her that same sense of peace, so she gave up on it and settled for something else, something darker and more painful, something more suitable for a person like her.

Wistfully, she left the apartment. The crisp night air jarred her from her daze. Once again she had managed to recapture the shame and guilt Lowell Harris had instilled in her not long ago. The ritual she had adopted after counseling and group therapy failed, was completed once more. She now felt every bit as dirty, stupid and used as she did while on her knees in that basement, every bit as dirty, stupid and used as she felt she deserved to feel.

She'd never admit it, not to any shrink and not to Elliot, but lately her only solace rested in her darkest emotions. Somewhere, amongst all the nightmares and flashbacks, her self-loathing had become a comfort, familiar and unwavering.


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia lingers in front of the elevator for a moment before deciding to take the stairs up to her apartment. She was hoping the extra few minutes it took her to climb the four flights would give her some sort of reprieve from the mess that she made of her life. She had resigned herself to the fact that she'd never completely clean that mess up. She had dirtied her life for good, so she had to settle for little breaks from the clutter in her head, moments where she was distracted or comforted, no matter how few or far between they were.

Kevin was one of those moments. So was Tim, or Tom, or Dom, and every other man she had had sex with over the last couple of weeks. Although the emotions may have been familiar, Olivia was truly on unchartered territory now. She had never been the one night stand type, not even in her younger days. Sure she slept with a healthy share of men in her life, but she was 40 years old and only had a handful of serious relationships. That left a lot of time for dating, and with dating came sex, healthy, normal, enjoyable sex. But there was nothing healthy, normal, or enjoyable about what she was doing now. She knew from the first time she committed this sick ritual of self-hatred and degradation that she was only digging herself deeper into despair, but it didn't matter. She had found both the comfort and distraction she needed, and even if it was only temporary, it was all she had.

It started out innocently enough. Cragen had insisted, had all but ordered, she take some time off. It wasn't the first time he made the suggestion and it wouldn't be the last. She was off her game at work and he had noticed. Everyone had, save Elliot it seemed. So she took a few days off, but no work meant she had nothing to focus on but herself. She had days to stew in her own misery and beat herself up for her mistakes, days to examine a life she was growing to detest.

She had given up on therapy and left the victims of military sexual assault support group. She didn't belong there. Hearing those women talk about how they were raped and forced to stay silent only made her feel more guilt about her assault. She hadn't even been raped, she had no right to look for support from those women. Her lack of strength, physically, emotionally and mentally, had honestly shocked her. She always knew she had certain disadvantages being a woman on the force, but she had always thought herself capable. Then Harris exposed how truly incapable she was, on all levels, and now she was left lost and vulnerable, grasping for something intangible.

By the third night of her mandatory vacation Olivia was restless and emotionally drained. She took a walk, eventually finding herself on a stool at some neighborhood bar nursing a beer. She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice a man approaching her till he was seated at her side. It didn't take much convincing on his part to get her to leave with him. She had figured that maybe if she replaced her last sexual experience with something less dehumanizing, something less violent and frightening, she might be able to get her head on straight. But it didn't work. She was left feeling dirty and humiliated, again. No one had forced her to do anything, yet she still couldn't shake the feelings of disgust and hate.

It was then that she realized that she would always feel that way, because she was meant to. She was born out of those emotions and now defined by them. It was how her mother felt towards her and how she had felt towards herself since the first time her mother spit out the story of her conception. Harris didn't inflict those feelings on her, he just forced her to revisit them. She was wasting precious time and energy trying to fight them, she needed to embrace the truth about herself. And so she turned her body into a playground and went about inflicting pain and humiliation upon herself in the form of reckless and indiscriminate sex, because she had managed to convince herself that she was truly undeserving of anything more.

Her legs and eyes are heavy by the time she reaches the third flight of stairs and she takes this as another sign of weakness. She needs a shower and some sleep. She needs to stop doing this to herself.

Using all her strength to push the door out of the stair well open, Olivia steps into the hallway and notices the figure of a man slumped against her door. Immediately her hand goes to her hip, but she isn't carrying her gun. Olivia the make-believe schoolteacher didn't need a gun, but Olivia the Special Victims Unit detective, who routinely gets stalked and targeted by perverts and criminals, could use one right now.

She straightens her entire body in anticipation, knowing the sound of the door closing will draw the figure's attention. Finally, a pair of eyes meet hers. "Elliot?" She exhales, sounding a little more relieved than she wants to. At first she's so thankful he's not a knife-wielding lunatic that she forgets their brief but heated exchange from earlier. But soon enough she finds her anger. "What are you doing here?" Her words come through gritted teeth and flushed cheeks. She just wants to continue her downward spiral without his judgment or pity.

She had spent the last few years resenting the fact that Elliot Stabler had become so damn absorbed in his own problems that he failed to notice hers. But now that she had his attention, now that he was attempting to break through to her, she doesn't want it anymore. She had gotten used to having no one care and his interest in her well-being was too overwhelming for her.

She's at the door now but he refuses to rise to his feet. She stares down at him, her anger slowly dissolving when she notices the look in his eyes. He looks tired, defeated, and so unbelievably sad. It's that helpless look in his eyes that breaks her heart, makes her forget that she's the one who needs saving and beckons her to slide her body down the doorframe and sit by his side. "El? What are you doing here?" she repeats without the chill in her voice.

"You went out again? To find another guy?" He's not really asking, he's simply letting her know that he knows. She doesn't look at him, she can't. It would be too much embarrassment for her to take in one night. "Because of me?" he continues.

"No." She practically whispers her response.

"Then why? Tell me why, Liv." His voice is pleading with her and she knows that his eyes are likely equally intense.

"It's complicated." _It's stupid. And kind of fucked up. And none of your business. _She can't tell him the truth. He'd think less of her; he'd think she needs serious psychological help. _He'd probably be right. _

"That's bullshit! Something is making you go out there and degrade yourself like this. Tell me what it is!" he demands. He grabs hold of her hands, giving them a hearty shake and forcing her to make eye contact with him at last.

She pulls her hands out of his grasp angrily. "There's nothing you can chase down and beat up to fix this, so just give it up, Elliot. You're out of your element here. Just walk away and feel better about yourself for making the effort for once."

He frowns. He knew they'd eventually have to address his recent distance. "I...Olivia, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been all there lately but I'm here now. I was selfish and stupid, I didn't see your pain. I couldn't."

Olivia takes a deep breath and turns her head away from him. "It's fine. You had a lot of your plate."

"That's no excuse to ignore my closest friend for three years."

She smiles, not because he's apologizing, but because he called her his closest friend. It was nice to hear, especially since she's felt like little more than a casual acquaintance to him lately. "We both got wrapped up in ourselves, turned inwards... it happens." Months ago Olivia would have never imagined she'd be sitting side by side with her partner, exonerating him for shutting her out and making her feel abandoned by the person she trusted most in the world. But she couldn't be angry at him now, not when he looked like this, not when she felt so ashamed of herself.

Elliot decides to seize this rare moment of clarity between him and his partner and attempt to get a straight answer from her. "Why'd you go out after I left?"

Her mouth falls slightly open. "What?" She's stalling, racking her brain for a suitable answer.

"You left, right after I did. By the time I got to the car, realized I was being a dick, turned around, and came back, you were gone."

Olivia pulls on her jacket nervously. "I don't know," she answers quietly.

"Did I upset you that much? Enough for you to go out and find some stranger to have sex with so that you'd feel better about yourself?"

Her head is hot with anger, or guilt, or maybe both. Only her partner has the ability to turn her emotions on and off like this. Suddenly she's very much aware of the fact that they're still sitting on the floor in the hallway of her building, within earshot of any nosy neighbor that may be awake at this ungodly hour. She stands up and shakes her head. "I'm not having this conversation."

Elliot realizes he may have pushed too hard and now she'll probably never open up.

"Not here, " she adds after a few more shakes of her head. After fumbling with her keys for a moment or two, Olivia opens the door to her apartment. "Come in or go home."

Elliot looks up at her dumbly and watches her disappear inside the apartment. Olivia was inviting him into her life, like she used to, before he pushed her away. After a brief moment of hesitation, he's stumbling to his feet, fearing she may rescind the invitation at any moment.


End file.
